Forgive yourself
by Linxcat
Summary: Five months on, Remus was still begging her forgiveness. It wasn't as if she hadn't forgive him herself, she mused...RemusTonks and later on some Teddy....DH compliant


Five months on, Remus was still pleading for forgiveness.

It wasn't that she hadn't forgiven him herself, Tonks mused. To be perfectly honest, she'd forgiven him the moment she'd seen him coming up the garden path.

But, Remus being...well..._himself_, honestly thought that he had to earn her love back.

"Damn right," Andromeda had snapped when she'd brought the subject up with her mother.

"Mum!" Tonks groaned,

"What? He left you alone, _pregnant-_"

"Only for, like, two days!"

"You didn't know that, did you?"

It was true. Those two days had honestly been the longest in her entire life. She'd cried herself dry in the first few hours and spent the rest of her time gazing melancholy out of the window.

How long had she gazed down that garden path, wishing, praying that he would return to her?

And he did, didn't he?

On their wedding day he'd promised – vowed never to forsake her, in sickness or in health...then a mere month later he'd ran out on her.

But he came back. He came home.

When she'd seen him approaching the end of the garden, head hanging in shame, more tattered and ill than she'd even known him to be, eyes tired and begging for her forgiveness, she'd flung open the door and run into his arms.

The moment he had her in his embrace, her face buried in the crook of his neck, when he whispered that apology into her ear...

She'd forgiven him at once.

She'd told over and over again, caressing his worn face, that she loved him and that she forgave him.

But that hadn't been good enough for him. He'd taken her hand, placed of his on her gently swelling abdomen, and sworn on the baby's – _their_ baby's - life that he would never abandon them again. Then she'd thrown her arms around his neck and sobbed. All her anxiety and relief flowed out through her tears, as he slipped one hand underneath her knees, the other round her shoulders, and carried her in.

But although she insisted that she had forgiven him everything, he still seemed to believe that he had to earn her good favour back.

One morning she awoke to find him not beside her. She felt her heart rate speed up as her irrational thoughts spiralled out of control. What if? What if?

Then she noticed a note on his pillow. She'd snatched it up, drinking in his scribbly handwriting hungrily.

_Do you like bacon? R x_

She'd ventured downstairs immediately. She found him in the kitchen, cooking. She had a full English breakfast arranged neatly on her plate.

She didn't have the heart to remind him that she hated eggs.

Another time, when they were both sitting watching a film one afternoon on her father's old muggle television, the doorbell had gone.

Andromeda rushed from the kitchen and there was the usual anxiety as she got the person to prove he wasn't a Death Eater. Then she'd closed the door and come into the living room. She was holding a beautiful bunch of yellow roses.

"These...are for you, dear," she'd explained, handing them to her daughter.

Tonks gasped in delight and smelt them. Then she turned to her husband, who was grinning, "Remus! What's the occasion?"

He'd shrugged, blushing slightly, "Do I need an occasion?"

"Oh, you!" she squeaked, throwing her arms around him.

And it wasn't just flowers. She returned to the bedroom one evening to find a box of chocolates on her pillow. She had never heard of _Ferrero__ Roche_ before, but they sure tasted good.

Ice cream, too. Merlin, if she'd known how good muggle ice cream was, she would have converted years ago! Her favourite at the moment was 'Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough'. Delicious. She was amazed that anyone could make anything so good without the aid of magic.

As the months drew on, it got harder and harder for them to leave the house. Andromeda apparated to far-off muggle supermarkets to get the weekly shopping, and Remus had to leave in the middle of the night to get to the Potterwatch meeting place without being trailed by Death Eaters.

It was on such occasions that Tonks was the most agitated. Remus hated to leave her on her own so far into her pregnancy, so he tended to leave little surprises for her...

For example, one morning she awoke to find the entire bedroom engulfed in pink heart-shaped confetti. When she'd waded through the paper to the bathroom, she found the mirror papered over, and a note tacked onto it.

_You look beautiful! _

Another morning she'd walked into the kitchen, only to see that it was covered in yellow sticky-notes. Each one had a different message on it. She'd peeled them all off and kept them in her draw.

The next day, Remus woke up and realised that he was mummified in wads of sticky yellow paper.

Towards the end of those long nine months, Remus put up a sign in the kitchen that counted down the days.

Tonks wasn't sure if she liked it or not. Every time she passed it, she would tap it discretely with her wand in an attempt to get it to skip days. Unfortunately, Remus caught on and fixed it somewhere higher out of her reach.

After what seemed like years to Tonks, the big day finally rolled around.

And nothing happened.

A week later, though, on the fifth of April, little Teddy Lupin was born.

Tonks was lying back on the bed, face flushed in exhaustion, cradling the baby in her arms. Andromeda had left to make them some dinner, and Remus was sitting on a chair beside the bed.

It was totally bizarre, but he was finding it very hard not to cry.

Tonks was chatting away to Teddy, laughing and playing with his gorgeous baby hands, and all that Remus could think about was what he had done.

That tiny little child in Dora's arms was the thing that had made him run away. That baby terrified and delighted him at the same time. And he knew he had to say something.

"Here," Tonks was beaming at him, "This, Teddy, is daddy."

Dora was holding out the bundle of blankets to him. He took it uncertainly, shifting the baby in his arms.

Teddy was gazing up at him, big eyes amber-gold, just like his. He reached out a tentative finger and the baby's fist shot out, grabbing it in a vice-like grip.

Remus gazed down at his son in awe, and felt tears welling again.

"Dora," he whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" she chuckled, "Whatever for?"

"For all the cr-" he quickly corrected himself, remembering that he was a father now (Merlin, how strange that sounded!) and his hour old son was in the room, "-rubbish I put you through."

Tonks smiled, scooting over so she was next to him, "Remus, look at Teddy. He's the most amazing thing ever."

Remus grinned, "Joint with you, of course,"

"Of course," Tonks laughed, "But you helped in making him, Remus. You've done something amazing."

Remus gazed down at his son, biting his lip. Tonks hugged him.

"Forgive yourself, Remus. Everyone else has. You have _nothing_ to apologise for."


End file.
